I
My fist memories of our courtyard
were a true classical Chinese garden:
two rows of houses were
on the south and the north side,
on the west a gray wall
was half covered by ivies and bean leaves
and a kind of plant
with flowers of the shape of
scarlet stars
on the east, there was a long corridor,
red pilars
were connected by green benches
and hand-carved wooden decorations
right beneath the roof
The ceiling was painted with colors
and on the beams
were paintings of waters, mountains,
flowers, and birds
as you can see in the Forbiddon City
or in the Summer Palace.
In the yard, we had all kinds of
vegetables and flowers:
cabage, egg-plants,
tomatos, bell peppers,
and daisies, lilies, chrysanthemums,
verbena, dahlia, morning-glories,
and the flowers I can't even remember.
On the south side behind a back-window
there it stood --
the lilac bush, tall and proud.
We children loved to play around it
hid behind the thick leaves
for seek-and-hide
and the older people would
sit on their stools cross from it
having their chit-chats.
In May, the bush began to bloom
each flower opened its little cup
the tiny yellow pistils peeping out
at the sky
A fragrance, light and sweet
wafted in the air
filled the yard.
Grandma used to cut
a few stems and
put them in a green vase
so the whole room would
become pleasant
in the faint scent.
Some years later
when I was in the 5th grade
I was assigned a composition
using the technique of description
so I sat in the yard
facing the lilac bush
let the beautify words
float out of the flowers
and let my mind
melt into the purple mist.
One evening in May, three years later
standing under the bush
I looked into the sky
through the flowers and leaves
The sun had just set
the city was shrouded in the twilight
while the sky turning to purple
and the purple mist
was growing blue
I was experiencing
the peace and serenity
and lost myself in the dream
when all of a sudden
a dissonance arised
like an omen came from nowhere
I escaped into the house
and joined the family
in their chatting.
Eight months later
we left Beijing
to a norhern city
covered with snow.
On the day we were leaving
I stood under the bush
no flowers, no leaves
only the bare branches
stretching toward the freezing sky.
Somechow, I remembered
that early summer eve
the twilight, the purple mist
and the omen......
It was May again
started the"Great--
Prolaterian--
Cultural Revolution"--
1966
II
In those crazy years
things turned up side dowm.
Government officials were
called"capitalists,"
"anti-revolutionaries,"
and the "Red Guards" became
"masters"of the county.
"The east is red, the sun rises,
China has a Mao Ze-dong"...
He was the sun of the nation
and the people were "sunflowers"
around him.
Eager to see the "Great Chairman"
I squeezed into a Passanger train
with thousands of teen-agers
we pilgrimmed to Beijing
for thirty-six hours
I was sitting on the luggage shelf
without a bite of food
without a drop of water.
"Beijing--I'm Back!"
But I was in a shock--
being away for only nine months
Beijing turned to a battlrfield
red flags were everywhere
slogans and da-zi-bao
covered all the buildings
the"Red Guards"filled up the city
and the citizens were hiding
in their homes.
Excitedly, I rushed into our yard
but dumpfounded by the sight:
all the vegetables and flowers
were gone
brown dirt
piled on the broken bricks
and my dreamed lilac bush
taller than the house
disappeared altogether
left only a big hole
deep in the ground......
A neighbour granny who
had lived there before I was born
told me that the "Red Guards"
dug up all the plants and
threw them away
because "Chairman Mao sail that
flowers and plants
were bourgeois style."
She also told me
Grandpa Wang was dead
the "Red Guards"tied him up
on a pilar
and ordered his grandchildren
to beat him
if they refused
they would get beaten
by the "Red Guards"
because Grandpa was a
former Kuomingtang officer,
an"anti-revolutionary."
Grandpa Wang was tied
for days and nights
no foood, no water
beaten by the "Red Guards"
beaten by his drandchildren
He died a week later
and the "Red Guards"sent
his old wife to the country
to"reform her anti-revolutionary
mind."
Granny weeped and whispered:
"They were just like devils--
but, dare not to tell anybody!
They will beat you and me
to death if they hear that."
I stood in the yard for a while
without motion
without a word
the autumn wind
carring the mist of dust
the leaves of an old locust tree
fell into the empty hole......
Farewell, Beijing
Farewell, lilacs
Farewell,my youth!
I felt like
I suddenly grew up--
I was not fourteen
but twenty-four.
